Feelings…go away.

My feelings get hurt easily. I usually put up a wall, block it, suck it up, swallow the pain.

Today, 6 hours later I’m wondering if it was hurt feelings or a growth point. Doesn’t feel good either way. Feelings go away. Then there is a point where I find comfort in pain. Pain elevates me to the next level. I deal with the feelings and they lift me into a new and different action.

Now I’m not excited. I’m mad. Not anxious, determined and focused. Feelings destroy the fairy-tale of the thing and leave me with the raw emotions. I can do this. I will do this. Am I meant to do this? Am I called to do this?

And then the other thing is people…and people’s words. I’m sensitive. Uh, yeah so what. I’ve accepted that and so when offended, hurt, sad I try to decipher…is it spirit or flesh feeling out of wack. Is my pride being attached. That doesn’t feel good, but its for my good.

Okay, over it. For now I have work to do.

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Priorities

We have them. We need them. Wish I was one.

Wish I was some human beings priority.

Per dictionary.com…of course.

pri·or·i·ty
prīˈôrədē/
noun
a thing that is regarded as more important than another.
“housework didn’t figure high on her list of priorities”
the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.
“the safety of the country takes priority over any other matter”
synonyms: prime concern, most important consideration, primary issue More
the right to take precedence or to proceed before others.
“priority is given to those with press passes”
synonyms: right of way
“traffic in the right lane has priority”

I don’t need to be most important. Just a priority.

Per dictionary.com…of course.

im·por·tant
imˈpôrtnt/Submit
adjective
of great significance or value; likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.
“important habitats for wildlife”
synonyms: main, chief, principal, key, major, salient, prime, foremost, paramount, overriding, crucial, vital, critical, essential, significant; More
antonyms: inessential, irrelevant, of no concern
(of a person) having high rank or status.
synonyms: powerful, influential, of influence, well connected, high-ranking, high-powered; More
(of an artist or artistic work) significantly original and influential.
synonyms: significant, consequential, momentous, of great import, major; More

FREAK.

I want to be priority. I want to be important. I am still selfish. Oops.

“Love without expectation. Give without expecting back.”