TGI….F

My God. What a week. If I never have a week like this again in my life, I will be completely fine. My God is faithful, He who has carried me through is awesome. Thank you Lord.

I can’t describe how much I need this weekend. It is a gift to myself and to my classroom and to my soul. In a few hours I will be on a road trip with a buddy- 4 needed hours of release and restoration. I have 40 hours worth of tears and frustration and anger and sadness. I need a release. I need a safe place to spill out an abundance of emotion. And…it may be the driver’s seat of my Chevy.

I thought it was Aunt Flow. It wasn’t.

Thought it was my sleep. It ain’t.

Guessed it was a student. Not sure that’s ALL it is.

What is it? This feeling? This discomfort? This unsettledness. A VERY small piece of me VERY small…thinks I am love sick. Am I love sick? Or am I just sick to think…after a decision to not love that I am choosing, still, to love. And love from a distance is sad and deep and poetic. But I don’t think that’s it.

I tried sitting still (with my phone, facebook, instagram, and snapchat)  and that didn’t work. Go figure. Maybe I will create time and space and do meditation.

Let’s see what else can I change?

I could:

-eat

-drink water

-stick to my budget

-stick to my bedtime

-stay of Social media

-clean my desk (at work and at home)

-STOP TRYING TO FIX OTHER PEOPLES’ problems when I have my own.

 

This is a list of 7 things I can do. – starting now. See you in 7 days.

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I can get it WHEREVER…and I should

This is about to be a 6 minute butt load of randomness. I am at work and this is not designated blog time. But I need to “journal” and this is my digital release.

 

I’ve been waking up tired and uninterested in beginning my day lately. I am not used to this. I went from waking up at 430am at the beginning of the year, to not getting sleep, to waking at 530 to a random 515 to now turning my alarm off and today staying in bed until 615 while I listened in on my 6am prayer call. Its taken me 53 days to figure out that I need to get consistent with my sleep and routines (especially before and after bed).

 

I can not do what I want when I want how I want because it causes a chain reaction of tired attitude needing pumpingupness. And I am not here for it. My family, friends, students, and I suffer when I don’t give myself what I know I need. Sleep. Rest. Time. Energy. God.

So, let me just get my life together on here:

Wednesday:

430: eye apt

530: gym (strong MAYBE) OR paper purge (more necessary…maybe I can do both)

My gym is too packed. It irritates me and to workout at my complex gym is a JOKE. I’ll get the paper together tonight and gym it up tomorrow (MAYBE).

700: eat

800 clean and bed prep (listening prayer, meditation, rest IN BED)

I got distracted and my time is up…

 

Oh and yesterday I did the hard work of letting someone I love know that our relationship is going to need to look differently because its what’s best for me and for him. I have NEVER done that in my own strength. I’ve always been abandoned or “forced” to let go. How freeing to make a conscious and mature decision to guard my heart and obey God. Freedom: absence of fear. I’ll let him go and if he doesn’t fly out of the cage I created for him, we may both be able to soar on the outside. “Let’s see what happens…”

Just say No

I love that word. To say it. To hear it (usually).

I don’t know why more people won’t just tell me no. Like instead of having things lingering and having me wait (I told y’all I struggle with patience). Say no, so I can move on.

 

No, I don’t like you.

No, I don’t EVER want to date you.

No, I won’t be there.

No, I can’t do that.

No, I don’t like this.

For Pete’s sake…whoever Pete is- say “NO”. And mean it. Close the door of confusion, and of indecision, and of back and forth minds, and blurry lines.

In the words of my old D.A.R.E. instruction, JUST SAY NO.

Why I keep falling in love with guys that CANNOT love me back

I’m ill. Not based on the title. Based on the message.

I literally couldn’t get out of my shower quick enough. Minus the cheap black soap that I’m not sure does the trick…this topic, these words, this concept was bugging me out of the waterfall I call “shower”.

Its a topic and title I couldn’t not write. I couldn’t not post. And I cannot not share. Hello, my name is Cassandra and I am a recovering fallinloveaholic. I almost gave first middle and last name, so you know its real. But that would have been extra and if you’re that interested in finding out my first middle and last name, I’m sure Google will be happy to assist you. Or facebook. Or they led you here and you already know it.

I’m rushing to tap this. Because its irritating to meditate on and I’m on the floor in an apartment I’ve tried cleaning since 530pm. For an event I’m hosting tomorrow at 630pm. Also I’m supposed to leave the house in 25 minutes for girl time I’ve been craving for like two weeks. This. Is. Life.

Okay, here goes. I fall in love with guys that cannot love me back. And its sad and I’m over it. And here, pretty soon…like with the next guy I could potential love that will not love me back (because he can’t), I’m going to choose  not to fall in love with him. I’m utterly over it.

I’m high school sweethoe…I mean sweetheart over it. He wasn’t a hoe, I just still don’t like him. Oh, and we weren’t in love. I just “fell in love” with him.

I’m junior year love of my life over it. I’m summer crush turned bae before bae was a thing over it. I’m college boyfriend, college crush, college safe crush who liked me back, college boo who never was boo, and I’m ex-husband who I didn’t even know didn’t love me back

O

VER

IT.

Oh there’s more. I’m post-divorce bad decisions to even entertain the idea of you over it. I’m Tinder over it. I’m church crush over it. I’m Tinder turned friend but you still ain’t ready OVER ALL OF IT.

Its exhausting to love someone and two wives, 5 kids, 12 years, 1.5 billion opportunities to get it right and be ready but you still ain’t right nor ready realize HE AINT NEVA GON GET READY.

I could scream. For 13 year old me, and 15 year old me, and 17-29 year old me. Girl, let’s stop the foolishness.

When you know good and darn well he cannot love you, let him.

Let him not love you from a distance. Let him not call. Let him not check on you. Let him not be that into you. Let his girlfriend come first. His wife come first. His kids come first. Let his homies come first. Let it go, Elsa!

Sheesh…and I’m realizing the problem is me. I am impatient. And that’s a shame that I would be so impatient that I would love a man who cheats, who pressures me to have sex, who lies about how God told him…some stuff God ain’t told him. So impatient that I’d entertain a disgusting dude (forget a bad boy- I went BIG), entertain a scared boy disguised as a wealthy and confident man, that I’d go on dates with dudes who I found to be a 7 on a 10 scale (when I feel like I’m a 10 on a 10 scale). I’m not desperate or insane, blind or suffering from low self-esteem. I am impatient. And because I’m also Christian that means I don’t trust God’s timing. I’m uninterested in His timeline because I have deadlines.

Married by…23 I think it was. Now I’m divorced. Yeah, that was basically my only age deadline…that mess is enough to stop you in your tracks and make you burn every DEADline you ever thought you had.

I’m learning to dream again, to set ambitious goals, to live my life without apologies or permission-asking. I’m grown, I pay whole bills. I have whole debt that I’m working my way out of. I ask for advice from SOME. Permission from one, “God, is it okay if I…”. And I only ask sometimes when I don’t already have a plan. I’m working on that.

But one thing is crystal clear to me. I am SO OVER falling in love with guys who cannot love me. Its stupid. I know why I do it. And thats stupid too. I’d rather be in love WITH someone then FALL in love with them. So, the next guy I want to save at the expense of spending myself, I totally WILL NOT. And y’all can check me on that.

Final thought: falling in love…(which doesn’t even feel THAT good- okay I lied, it feels amazing) is like I was going to reference throwing up, but in an attempt not to offend or gross anyone out I will refrain. Its just like making yourself do something that isn’t good for you. That your natural body is eventually going to reject. Something that smells and looks nasty. Something you’ll regret…especially if you prefer standing over falling.

I’m well.

Oh, yall gon learn today!

Black history lesson plans. (copied and pasted, so forgive the format) – message me and I’ll send it in Word doc form.

 

Lesson Plans: Bruington                               2nd Grade                         Week: February 13-17th, 2017

  Social Studies/Science/Health (12:45-2:00/2:00-2:10)
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TEKS: 2.18A,B,E Social Studies

 

 

2.18(A) obtain information about a topic using a variety of valid oral sources such as conversations, interviews, and music 2.18(B) obtain information about a topic using a variety of valid visual sources such as pictures, maps, electronic sources, literature, reference sources, and artifacts

2.18(E) interpret oral, visual, and print material by identifying the main idea, predicting, and comparing and contrasting

 

Objectives:

 

We will explore and discuss Black history.

I can obtain and interpret information about Black history. I can share my thinking with a partner.

 

Resources

 

http://artsedge.kennedy-center.org/educators/lessons/grade-3-4/Musical_Harlem#Preparationhttp://artsedge.kennedy-center.org/educators/lessons/grade-3-4/Musical_Harlem#Preparation

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahoJReiCaPk jazz music

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwP2QlBbfac little boy playing jazz piano

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQVkXuWavt0 jazz piano pt 2

 

Vocabulary: inventors, black history month, jazz, technology, knowledge, research

 

 

Opening:

·       Students will play freeze dance to different Jazz music styles. We will discuss the tone and mood of the music they hear.

 

·       On computers or ipads, students can manipulate sound by isolating instruments using:

 

http://www.folkways.si.edu/jazz-education-web-site/music/smithsonian

 

Lesson:

 

Music (specifically jazz) is a part of Black history in America.

 

Students will listen to samples of Jazz Music.

 

Students will be introduced to Jazz music, pictures and information about Harlem, and images and descriptions of instruments used in jazz.

 

Outcome:

 

Students will write and/or draw about the information they’ve learned about Jazz music/instruments.

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&

 

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Objectives:

 

We will explore and discuss Black history.

I can obtain and interpret information about Black history. I can share my thinking with a partner.

 

Resources

 

http://emeagwali.com/african-american/inventors/world-without-african-american-inventors.html (day without black people)

 

https://webfiles.uci.edu/mcbrown/display/faces.html/

list of scientists

 

http://www.metrofamilymagazine.com/June-2014/Simple-Science-Experiment-How-Our-Eyes-Perceive-Color/

experiment

 

 

Opening:

·       This is a story of a little boy name Theo, who woke up one morning and asked his mother, “Mom, what if there were no Black people in the world?” Well, his mother thought about that for a moment, and then said, “Son, follow me around today and let’s just see what it would be like if there were no Black people in the world.” Mom said, “Now go get dressed, and we will get started.”

·       Theo ran to his room to put on his clothes and shoes. His mother took one look at him and said, “Theo, where are your shoes? And those clothes are all wrinkled, son. I must iron them.” However, when she reached for the ironing board, it was no longer there.

·       You see Sarah Boone, a black woman, invented the ironing board, and Jan E. Matzelinger, a black man, invented the shoe lasting machine.

·       “Oh well,” she said, “please go and do something to your hair.” Theo ran in his room to comb his hair, but the comb was not there. You see, Walter Sammons, a black man, invented the comb.

·       Theo decided to just brush his hair, but the brush was gone. You see Lydia O. Newman, a black female, invented the brush.

·       Well, this was a sight: no shoes, wrinkled clothes, hair a mess. Even Mom’s hair, without the hair care inventions of Madam C. Walker, well, you get the picture.

·       Mom told Theo, “Let’s do our chores around the house and then take a trip to the grocery store.” Theo’s job was to sweep the floor. He swept and swept and swept. When he reached for the dustpan, it was not there. You see, Lloyd P. Ray, a black man, invented the dustpan.

·       So he swept his pile of dirt over in the corner and left it there. He then decided to mop the floor, but the mop was gone. You see, Thomas W. Stewart, a black man, invented the mop. Theo yelled to his Mom, “Mom, I’m not having any luck.”

·       “Well, son,” she said, “Let me finish washing these clothes, and we will prepare a list for the grocery store.” When the wash finished, she went to place the clothes in the dryer, but it was not there. You see, George T. Samon, a black man, invented the clothes dryer.

·       Mom asked Theo to go get a pencil and some paper to prepare their list for the market. So, Theo ran for the paper and pencil but noticed the pencil lead was broken. Well, he was out of luck because John Love, a black man, invented the pencil sharpener.

·       Mom reached for a pen, but it was not there because William Purvis, a black man, invented the fountain pen.

·       As a matter of fact, Lee Burridge invented the typewriting machine and W. A. Lovette the advanced printing press. Theo and his mother decided just to head out to the market.

·       Well, when Theo opened the door, he noticed the grass was as high as he was tall. You see, John Burr, a black man, invented the lawn mower. They made their way over to the car and found that it just wouldn’t go. You see, Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, and Joseph Gammel invented the supercharge system for internal combustion engines. They also noticed that the few cars that were moving were running into each other and having wrecks because there were no traffic signals. You see, Garrett A. Morgan, a black man invented the traffic light.

·       Well, it was getting late, so they walked to the market, got their groceries, and returned home. Just when they were about to put away the milk, eggs, and butter, they noticed the refrigerator was gone. You see John Standard, a black man, invented the refrigerator. So, they just left the food on the counter.

·       By this time, Theo noticed he was getting mighty cold. Mom went to turn up the heat, and what do you know? Alice Parker, a black female, invented the heating furnace. Even in the summertime, they would have been out of luck because Frederick Jones, a black man, invented the air conditioner.

·       It was almost time for Theo’s father to arrive home. He usually takes the bus, but there was no bus, because its precursor was the electric trolley, invented by another black man, Elbert R. Robinson.

·       He usually takes the elevator from his office on the 20th floor, but there was no elevator because Alexander Miles, a black man, invented the elevator.

·       He also usually dropped off the office mail at a near by mailbox, but it was no longer there because Philip Downing, a black man, invented the letter drop mailbox, and William Barry invented the postmarking and canceling machine.

·       Theo and his mother sat at the kitchen table with their heads in their hands. When the father arrived, he asked, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” Why? Because Lewis Howard Latimer, a black man, invented the filament within the light bulb.

·       Theo quickly learned more about what it would be like if there were no black people in the world, especially if he were ever sick and needed blood. Dr. Charles Drew, a black scientist, found a way to preserve and store blood, which led to his starting the world’s first blood bank.

·       Well, what if a family member had to have heart surgery? This would not have been possible without Dr. Daniel Hale Williams, a black doctor, who performed the first open-heart surgery.

·       So, if you ever wonder, like Theo, where would we be without black people? Well, it’s pretty plain to see. We would still be in the DARK!

·

 

Lesson:

 

Day 1

 

EXPLAIN THAT STUDENTS WILL GIVE A PRESENTATION- REVIEW THE RUBRIC AND GIVE AN EXAMPLE/MODEL THE PROCESS REINFORCING RESEARCH SKILLS.

 

1.)Teacher will introduce the lesson by showing the video highlighting information about little known African-American scientist. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71OkCxCVgtQ

 

2.)Begin a class discussion about famous African-American scientists and inventors:

-what did you learn

-what was important to you

-which invention seemed the most valuable

 

Review the steps of research:

-we will read about an inventor or scientist – Tuesday

-we will highlight key information- Tuesday

-we will write and record information in our own words (avoiding plagiarism)- Tuesday

-we will decide on a method to share information we’ve learned- Wednesday

-we will practice our presentations- Wednesday

-we will present what we’ve learned about Black inventors and scientists – Wednesday and Thursday

 

3.)Students will do computer/book research about Black scientists and inventors to include in a presentation. Model reading key information about a person and underlining or highlighting important information.

 

http://www.biography.com/people/madam-cj-walker-9522174#synopsis

 

4.)The teacher will explain about plagiarism and review the elements of good writing. The students will then take the information collected and write a quality paragraph about the one inventor or scientist they researched. Model collecting that information using notecards to rewrite facts and details in your own words. Allow students to practice WITH you before releasing to practice in groups and then independently.

 

Day 2

 

5.)Each student will choose an African-American inventor or scientist about which to make a poster, presentation, essay, or slideshow for presentation to the class.

 

Rubric:

 

  100-86% 85-75% 75% or below Explanation/Notes/How to Improve
Gives specific facts and information about a black scientist or inventor 3 facts or details 2 facts or details 1 or less facts or details  
Uses good writing technique (intro, body, conclusion) OR appropriate components (pictures, labels, captions, etc.) Grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Some grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Below grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness  

 

 

Outcome:

 

Students will write and/or draw about the information they’ve learned about Jazz music/instruments.

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Objectives:

 

We will explore and discuss Black history.

I can obtain and interpret information about Black history. I can share my thinking with a partner.

 

Resources

 

 

Vocabulary: inventors, black history month, jazz, technology, knowledge, research

 

 

Opening:

Have students share some facts or information they’ve enjoyed learning about this week. Invite students who’ve done their own research at home to share facts and information.

 

 

Lesson:

 

EXPLAIN THAT STUDENTS WILL GIVE A PRESENTATION- REVIEW THE RUBRIC AND GIVE AN EXAMPLE/MODEL THE PROCESS REINFORCING RESEARCH SKILLS.

-we will present what we’ve learned about Black inventors and scientists – Wednesday and Thursday

 

 

Give a sample presentation:

 

http://www.biography.com/people/madam-cj-walker-9522174#synopsis

 

Madam C.J. Walker was named Sarah Breedlove at birth. She developed special hair care products for Black hair. Her success made her a millionaire. There were not many woman millionaires at that time. After her husband Moses died, she moved to St. Louis, Missouri to live near her brothers who were barbers. Walker worked during the day and went to school at night. She married her second husband Charles Walker who eventually used his advertising business to help her promote her hair care business. Due to stress and biological conditions, her hair began to thin and fall out. She worded to find out what could be done to stop this product and created ointments and creams for black hair. Her husband was a huge supporter and suggested she change her name to “madam CJ Walker”. Walker worked in Harlem to service the people and make things easier for others. Walker created charities that helped pay for the education of deserving people and helped the elderly.

QUOTES

“I want the great masses of my people to take a greater pride in their personal appearance and to give their hair proper attention.”

—Madam C.J. Walker

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rubric:

 

  100-86% 85-75% 75% or below Explanation/Notes/How to Improve
Gives specific facts and information about a black scientist or inventor 3 facts or details 2 facts or details 1 or less facts or details  
Uses good writing technique (intro, body, conclusion) OR appropriate components (pictures, labels, captions, etc.) Grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Some grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Below grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness  

 

 

 

Remind

Outcome:

 

Students will write and/or draw about the information they’ve learned about Jazz music/instruments.

 

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Objectives:

 

We will explore and discuss Black history.

I can obtain and interpret information about Black history. I can share my thinking with a partner.

 

Resources

 

EXTRAS

 

http://www.nea.org/tools/lessons/bhm-curriculum-resources-gradesK-5.html

 

Internet search: http://teachersnetwork.org/dcs/bhmonth/search1/

 

Crossword  http://homeschooling.about.com/od/holidays/ss/blackhistprint.htm

 

Timeline http://americanhistory.si.edu/brown/resources/pdfs/timeline.pdf

 

Coloring and Activity pages  http://www.enchantedlearning.com/history/us/aframer/

 

Vocabulary: inventors, black history month, jazz, technology, knowledge, research

 

 

Opening:

 

http://www.folkways.si.edu/jazz-education-web-site/music/smithsonian

 

Lesson:

 

Continue student presentations and “extras”.

 

Outcome:

 

Students will finish presentations on Black inventors and scientists.

 

 

NAME: _________________

SCORE: ______

MONDAY

Use this packet to reflect and record what you learn this week.

 

  1. ______________________ is a type of music that largely originated with African Americans and was a way for them to

 

express themselves.

 

  1. Record, write, and draw what you notice about jazz music in the space below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TUESDAY

What did you learn?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

What was important to you?

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Which invention seemed the most valuable?

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

WEDNESDAY

What inventor or scientist will your presentation be about?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Why did you choose them?

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

THURSDAY

 

Rubric:

 

  100-86% 85-75% 75% or below Explanation/Notes/How to Improve
Gives specific facts and information about a black scientist or inventor 3 facts or details 2 facts or details 1 or less facts or details  
Uses good writing technique (intro, body, conclusion) OR appropriate components (pictures, labels, captions, etc.) Grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Some grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness Below grade-level appropriate spelling, grammar, conventions, organization, and neatness  

 

FRIDAY

What have you enjoyed learning most this week?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

My hair

http://www.naturallycurly.com/texture-typing/hair-porosity

LOW POROSITY

Hair with low porosity has a tightly bound cuticle layer with overlapping scales that lay flat. This type of hair is usually considered healthy, and is often very shiny, especially when it’s dark in color. Low porosity hair repels moisture when you try to wet it and is hard to process since it resists penetration of chemicals.

Low porosity hair is also prone to build-up from protein-rich deep conditioning products, which can leave it feeling stiff and straw-like. Stick to protein-free, daily conditioners with humectants such as glycerin or honey. Use moderate heat with protein-free deep conditioning treatments to help open up the tightly bound cuticle.

Low porosity hair requires moisturizers rich in emollients such as shea butter, jojoba oil, coconut oil and mineral oil. It also benefits from humectant products, which attract and hold moisture to your hair. Choose lighter, liquid-based products such as hair milks that won’t sit on your hair and leave it oily or greasy.

Nevermind

Okay, so I won’t say I’m a punk. But I think I decided to wait to love him. Now this is a tricky thing. I have to collect some of myself that I left for him.

And why? Because I’m dog sick and he didn’t check on me. I know it may seem #petty. But it’s not. When I think about who I want to be in love with, I want him to be thoughtful and concerned even when he’s busy. Why? Because I am that way. And I deserve at least what I am. At most who I will become.

So, we’re friends. I’ve decided. Through a few sick-tears and honest moments last night, I decided he is … wait, we ain’t even friends. My friends checked on me. We “cool”. Now comes the task of moving backwards. From love to…”you aight”.

Here’s what I’m thinking:

I won’t call or text…first.

I won’t be long-winded.

If he asks, I will definitely tell him, “I thought you’d call and check on me”. But not in the “let me guilt you” way, just in the “I totally get it, you got legit things happening in your life right now and now I know what it is” way. He does have legit things happening right now in life. And I believe life is probably 90% timing. So…its time to let it go.

Let.

it.

go.