Not THAT sick

This has been my most illness-infested new years ever. I saw that cautiously. I’m not “claiming” a year of illness. I’m being really. I’ve taking 4.5 sick days and its February 8th. Wow.

I don’t take days off unless it severely impairs my ability to do my job and/or is harmful to children. I don’t want to get them sick and I want to get well- so I came home around noon today. I’m not sure what I have, but its lingered since Monday and I took Tuesday off, felt better, went back today…and I’m not better. I might be out the rest of the week. I feel sad that my sick days are probably depleted. But, what can I do? I have to be well.

I’ve “cancelled life” this week. Every single thing I had planned is cancelled. And that was about 4 things. My God. God is teaching me to rest. To clear my schedule and make room for Him and the things he has actually called me to do. Not just the things I want to do.

One downfall (not really, but best word I could think of) to being a strong person is that people don’t believe you when you say you’re sick or in pain. Or maybe I just assume that no one believes me when I say I need two, maybe three days off work. I know how to fake it and press through pain, but I am in it. In pain. For a number of reasons, but the biggest I believe, is the transition I am undergoing. I’m surrendering my will to God’s Will. In so many areas that my body is reacting to what my mind, soul, and spirit are encountering. Of course, simply put, my immune system is low and I need rest. But I’m taking a deeper lesson away from this- spiritually, my immune system is low and I need rest. I can’t keep doing things that are meaningless. Good, but ultimately meaningless. If its not a part of the vision and plan God gave me for 2017 (I have an extensive list and notes on my moves for the year) I have to let it go. Focus is my word of the year. And how easily “good things” can allow me to become un-focused. Not this year! Not up in here! *that’s a line from some movie..LOL, can’t remember because I’m sick and my brain won’t push that far.

Okay, two final thoughts. I’m sick but not too sick not to blog- I gotta get rid of these thoughts. They need to be shared:

 

  1. Women, listen to men. As I reflect on past relationships, namely my failed marriage. Ouch- I’ve never called it that. My failed marriage makes me realize men are generally honest. He told me he didn’t believe the bible completely. Even though we got re-baptized, went to church, did bible studies, went to church together, did pre-marital counseling, and wore the title “Christian”, he was honest and that didn’t change. He did not believe the bible to be completely true. And I would be a fool to think that that information, which was shared early in the relationship (before the baptism and series of events following), wasn’t directly linked to my divorce. As a woman I see potential. I hear potential. I cling to potential. I’m learning to hear what a man says and to take him at his word. Just like I can take Him at His Word. If he says, “he’s not ready for a relationship” or “he just wants to see what might happen” or “he loves being single”, I’m going to believe him. The first time he says it.

2. Shoot…what was my second thought? 30 seconds…I really don’t remember and I won’t make it up. This is already a long post. I love children and strangers give me their babies to hold. Okay, I did make something up. But its true. And one day, when I have my five kids…each baby will get all mommy’s cuddles. I can(‘t) wait! Baby cuddles are THE BEST.

Cassie

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