Create.

I almost woke up with my alarm. I was only laying in bed “praying” for like 4 minutes. I read or heard that turning on the light helps us to get up in the morning. Natural light is the best. That makes me assume that I am forced to get up too early- there is no natural light right now. lol

 

I woke up with one word on my mind: create.

 

So, I promised myself I would be productive, get ready for my day and then blog. No topic in particular. Oh, I took the Strength Finder (bootleg version) test and read about myself. I love personality tests and self-help books. Here’s me in a nutshell:

 

Achiever: I love results. I’m learning to celebrate my successes often and consistently.

Activator: When there is a task at hand, I’m ready to move and to act. I’m learning to get others on board with me first (in some instances).

Belief: Faith.

Communication: I love telling stories, speaking, teaching, and sharing. Thus, this blog. I will master this skill.

Includer: I want all hands on deck. Everyone can participate- play a part.

 

Now, 6AM prayer call.

Bye yall.

You Are Welcome

 

 

 

I am currently going in on this playlist on YouTube. Oh My Great God. You are Worthy Lord, forgive me for every wrong thing. Those I know and those I have yet to discover seek to separate me. God, I love God. I’ve been honest with my Creator. I don’t love Him enough or right or well. And He still pursues me and wins me with His love. Who am I that you are mindful of me. God I adore you, I praise you.

Sometimes you need a soundtrack for your day. This is mine. This whole playlist. Especially, Good Shepherd. I’m going in, which is so hard to do when you have a whole 9-5 that you should attend to. My kiddos came in on my soundtrack. We’ve been working and chillin’ all day. I am committed to give them what they want and what they need. They are great and mighty and well-equip with the talent to reach their purpose on the Earth. May my presence be a catalyst and not a hindrance. God, use me to empower them to be Great- like you.

I’m bout to cry. I always give people a warning. Not because it embarrasses me, but because not everyone is comfortable with pain and tears. Divorce made both very frequent and I’m comfortable with pain and tears. They wash me and purify me- cleanse the negative and make room for God to pour into me.

I realize what I crave more than a boyfriend, sex, good food, or even time with friends…is intimacy. For someone to know me completely, accept me fully, and love me unconditionally. That love may or may not come from a human second. It absolutely comes from Christ, first. Thank God for the opportunity to feel it and to be able to discern it. I have everything I desire and I need in Christ.

every. single. thing.

I imagine a love letter from God saying:

Dear child that I (alone) created and I (alone) love (fully),

I have everything you need.

You Are Welcome,

Daddy (God)

Perspective

The title has nothing to do with how I am feeling. I just hit “send” and confirmed through a contract that I will be moving to Costa Rica in July to teach. It makes me nervous, sure. But more than that a part of me does not actually want to go. Maybe because I am comfortable or because there is a lot of unknown information. ALOT. I there are people here who I really like. People who I love. People who I like to think that I could love and I don’t want to go before all that gets settled. There are men and women and businesses and cafes and neighborhoods and places and things and dreams and wishes and …there is so much here in Houston. Oh, and my church! In two years Hope City will be unrecognizable and I’m excited to be a visitor when I visit. But I love being a member.

Maybe God will use me to plant a church or to work in ministry or to do mission work. I have no idea what He will do with me, but I will gain fresh perspective and I could stand to have improved vision.

I’m not a parent

I am frustrated. So here I am. As a teacher I am asked to be a parent. I just walked out of a meeting about grades (that kids have earned). Some being zeros for work I never received. And I am supposed to beg kids to do work, use my breaks to stand over them to get work done, ignore that their parents have ignored me when I’ve given more time and grace for work…and I am supposed to be a parent.

 

I am so tired. I have zero natural children. I’ve taught 6 years. So I have at least 200 kids out there that I have been asked to parent. I am frustrated with the system. I am frustrated that schools have received the burden of raising children. If your child fails, you blame the teacher. If your child misbehaves, what can the teacher do differently? If a child can’t read, pull him for groups, give him extra, and when he doesn’t do homework or practice, do more before school or after school or during the day to ensure that this child (you didn’t birth) succeeds.

 

And if you know me, you know my heart. I love kids. I want them to have the world. I just get saddened by the fact that “grades don’t matter to a 2nd grader” yet you ask me to give them and to change (or sub or reteach and reenter) them. If you just told me they don’t matter, you are telling me that I’m wasting my time and they are wasting their time. If a student fails to hand it work or to correct it or to do it – they FAIL. And they need to feel failure. Not because they are failures or because they deserve less than success…but because they need to feel the reality of RECEIVING what you’ve earned. Of REAPING what was sown.

What are we teaching our children? Our families? Our society? Treat teachers like dog @)#* and pay them enough to survive (barely) and give them three months “relax” and dread coming back, take courses as requirements, pass or fail tests to teach, and regroup and handle their dental medical spiritual and mental needs, and then WORK THEM til they die, or quit, or quit living.

 

I really can’t be a teacher that doesn’t have a life. I want to live. I want to teach. There has got to be a way that I can do both. If I wanted to be a parent, solely responsible for the academic success of a child I would give birth and then homeschool her. I need help- administration aint got it, colleagues aint got it (we do not have it!), policy makers aint got it. And Lord knows this country…even our world has not got it.

 

I promise I will be part of the solution. I vow to own every part I can own and when my ownership line ends, I will not reach or regret or retreat or feel bad that “this is not my child”. I love them. I would give for them. I will fight for them. But I cannot be depleted for them.

And now…since I have 2 minutes to eat lunch after an hour long meeting about them. And a 20 minute break from them…”here I go”. And if my observation is today…God Bless America.