Hair

“You change your hair everyday”. False, but I understand that I do maximize the freedom and creativity my coils provide me with- I can switch thing us quickly. In fact, I’m headed to the states soon and I plan to purchase hair and stuff it in my luggage. Braiding hair, Marley twist hair, a latch hook, widely misrepresented as a “crochet hook”, and few hair ties, curl formers, and bobby pins. Whew! Thats a lot- I might need gel, too. We shall see.

Anyway…this post is a confession. A few days ago I resented and was ashamed of my natural hair:

it shrinks

it requires constant care

it falls out when “protective” styles are taken down- although I hear this is typical, it hurts my soul seeing the collection of coils looking like a lambs wool along my shower, counter, and sink.

I had to take out my last style a little early. I can’t have my fake hair looking nappier than my natural curls. So…I was faced with a decision, wig and switch (cause its hot) or natural hair. I focused on potential reactions and if my wig laying didn’t require braiding, which is time consuming and sometimes hurts AND my wigs weren’t blonde and black/red (hella bold), I probably would have rocked them. Instead, I did a wash and go and today a bomb twist out.

 

But thats only after contemplating:

dreads

weave

braids

cutting

and….wait for it…

RELAXING MY HAIR.

My coils LITERALLY WILL NOT stay straight enough to showcase my length and this makes me look and feel different than I want to. I look more less conventionally beautiful. No big hair to wear as a crown. I feel more naked and exposed, less masked and “protected”. I’m just being honest.

I named my hair some years ago and Shea has to be offended that I’ve spent more time with her clothes than with her. So she’s been free for a few days now and we are relearning one another. Last night twisting wasn’t so bad. And I found out she HAS grown, she’s ACTUALLY REALLY TALL…she just wears flats that hide her long legs. I am falling back in love with my coils one moisturized twist out at a time.

“You change your hair everyday”. No.

You Change. Your hair everyday.

 

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Smile

I hate being told to or asked to smile. Its annoying. And its unnatural to force a smile. I am content. And happy. And pleasant. And I show my emotions when I feel necessary. I don’t smile 24/7. And I certainly don’t smile more simply because I’m asked to – so stop.

Stop asking.

Loveless

Love less

Love less

What a way to heal?! You’re saying for sanity sake I should love a little less. Give a little more sparingly. Pour out slowly. Look within and turn ever so gently.

Love less

Love less

God, I pray this doesn’t make me loveless.

Every where I go

I have 3% of MacBookPro battery life to type this. I’m feeling the #feels, so here we go.

I just got back from my “See you Later 2017 Summer Tour”. I said “see ya later” to friends and family and it was an amazing time! If I can just figure out how to make that my life 365/24/7 I will have reached my #lifegoals. (not sure why this is so hastaggy, but oh well).

NYC- love the city, love it more with family. It was so good. And so so so needed. Bonding and walking, lots of walking. I learned that my family can have a good time anywhere. We are so different and have so much in common. We are like an oil and water sandwich. God is the bread. I assigned personality assessments for my family. They humored me and took them and reported the results. So, I tested my luck and sent a love language quiz, still waiting…

Mine is:

Words of Affirmation!!!!!!

Quality Time!!!!

Acts of Service!!!

Physical Touch (higher when I’m dating)!!

Gifts!

 

Saw Girls Trip. Its was amazingly funny, slightly inappropriate, as is life. Go see it.

I miss my students. I don’t claim to be the best teacher in the world. Afterall, I’ve never won “Teacher of the…” anything. But I love kids. At my core and all the layers surrounding said core, I love kids. I want them to excel, to have a chance to be great. (laptop died).

 

Three days later and I’m in my feels today. I move in 4 days. And more than anything in this moment I want a good cry, a grand release, and lots of love and attention. I’m about to ascend on the greatest adventure of my life and I feel a little lost in the middle of the sea. I need water, though. The kind tears produce. For a lot of relationships this distance will break them. For many things that I have planted, they’ve withered and this transition will be their burial. For me this may be a rebirth, but for many a thing left unclosed unsettled unresolved, my journey across the seas is a death sentence. And I’m ready to mourn before the services.

I can’t save people. I can heal them. I can even demand from them what I feel I need, I want, I’ve earned, I desire. So…I want to learn to be content within. Thought I was there and now this. My emotions are aided my hormonal things but they are always honest with me. I’m listening.

I have a buttload of things to do,

 

but first….

 

rest.